Posts Tagged ‘fix relationship’

Everyone likes to believe that the relationship they are in is a healthy relationship, but the fact is that many are not. If you want to stop pretending and truly have a wonderful, loving, respectful relationship than look over this list of some tips that will help you achieve that goal.

1. We all feel the temptation to ‘put our best foot forward’ and while that isn’t a bad thing, it’s very easy to take it too far and not really be who you truly are. It’s one thing to use your best manners, but it’s another to pretend you like something that you don’t really like.

When you project a false image of who you really are, you are just setting yourself up for disappointment. You will either have to maintain that phony persona forever or you will eventually have to let your partner see the real you.

Either way it’s not a good situation to be in. Be yourself. You have to have confidence in who you are and if you aren’t confidant enough to be yourself you should hold off dating until you can work on you for a while first.

One of the basic cornerstones of a solid relationship is when both of you accept the other person just as they are. If your partner is constantly trying to make you someone else why would you waste your time? Let them go off and find their perfect someone and you do the same. If they truly love you, then they’ll truly love you and all that you are…good and bad.

2. Learn how to communicate with each other. This is all about talking and listening. It’s about building trust so that you can each have a safe place to express yourself openly and without having to fear being mocked or ridiculed. It’s about finding a healthy way to communicate when something your partner has done bothers you. It’s not about screaming, yelling, getting angry and defensive. If the two of you can learn how to communicate properly, with respect and maturity, you will be well on your way to a great, loving relationship.

3. There is a saying that opposites attract, and that can be true, to a point. The fact of the matter is that while someone who is very different from you might seem exciting and unique at first, over a long time that ‘uniqueness’ can grow very old.

If you and your partner don’t agree on the core things than you are likely to have a very rocky relationship. The two of you don’t have to agree on everything, and as long as you’re both mature enough to respect each other’s opinions, that’s fine. But you should have core values that are similar. For example, religious beliefs, beliefs about fidelity, desire to have children or not, what you consider right and wrong, etc. If your core values are not in sync than you will have a hard time seeing each others point of view and it will lead to a lot of fights.

So many people waste so much time trying to make a bad relationship work when they could have been spending that time in a fun, loving, respectful, healthy relationship if they’d just been a little more careful who they picked for their partner. It’s not about finding someone who is perfect, it’s about finding someone who is perfect for you.

If you’ve been with someone for a long time and have said, or thought, “our love has grown cold” then here are some things that may help you rekindle the passion you once had.

It is important to remember though that with any long term relationship passion tends to ebb and flow like the tides, and you may not both be at ‘high tide’ at the same time. This can be frustrating but it’s important to understand that it’s perfectly normal and it isn’t any kind of rejection from your partner and it’s not a sign that your relationship is doomed.

This is especially true as you both start to get a little older and / or the stress of work, and family come into play. At these times it’s very important that the two of you are able to talk to each other openly and honestly.

Here are some things you can do to spice things up, some of these are fairly common but others may be new to you, have fun:

1. What did the two of you like to do when you first met? What type of dates did you go on, how did you dress. I’ll bet you both spent more time on your appearance when you first started dating than you do now. This is a simple thing to change. Make your next date night an adventure, really dress up and make it something memorable. Get ready in separate bathrooms if possible so you can regain some of that excitement of seeing each other all dressed up and looking good.

We all tend to fall into ruts and it can really help the two of you feel a connection if you try to recapture some of that early excitement.

2. Everyone wants to feel special and loved, and what better way to make your partner feel loved and special than to surprise them with a little gift, on a Tuesday ( or any day that isn’t a ‘special’ day). If you’re going out to get groceries, or dinner, or to the dry cleaners, why not pick up something for your sweetie? It doesn’t have to be anything expensive, and it doesn’t have to just be flowers or candy, but make it something that you know your mate would enjoy.

Maybe a silly card that will make them laugh, how about that movie they’ve always loved, a silly little stuffed animal, whatever. Just as long as it’s something that would have a personal meaning for your partner. Jewelry may be a great gift for some people but it is such a cliche that it may just not seem that personal.

Before you pick out a gift think about the person you’re buying it for and make it something special for them. Don’t limit yourself to candy or jewelry because that’s what the t.v. ads make you think you should do, consider if it’s something your partner would really like…that’s what makes a really great gift.

3. To truly rekindle passion you need to be relaxed, both of you. So if you want to do something special why not take a day and go to a spa for massages? Then out to a nice restaurant, and maybe a play or movie then home to a night of love. Spending the day together doing nothing but relaxing and enjoying each others company is the best way to deepen your bond and increase intimacy.

So, the next time you have the thought: “our love has grown cold” just remember that there are some simple, and fun, things you can do to increase the intimacy between you and your partner.