Feel like you’ve exhausted every option you could think up on your own and you just want to storm into some marriage counselors’ office as shout, “Help me save my marriage? Please!” Except for the shouting part, you’re actually on the right track looking for advice from some place other than your own head.

Friends!

If you have any friends who’ve managed to dodge an impending divorce, ask them how they did it. Don’t just think about friends your age, either. Older couples can be a goldmine of advice on working through marriage troubles.

Even if they seem to have a perfect relationship now, you might be surprised to hear what they’ve gone through. Of course, the problem with asking friends for advice is their experience is limited to what worked for them. What worked for them won’t necessarily work for you, though.

Online forums!

The Internet is great place to find information on just about everything and marriage is no exception. The advantage of getting advice from forums is that you can ask questions anonymously and get opinions from a variety of people who’ll most likely have very different view points from you. The drawback is that you won’t get a truly useful response from one “help me save my marriage” post. The lack of real-time interaction means you don’t get the back-and-forth dialogue you’d need to really get to the root of your problems and find a workable solution.

Marriage counseling!

It’s one of the first thing well meaning friends ask when you admit your marriage is on the rocks: “Have you thought of counseling?” There’s good reason for that. A professional marriage counselor has training in resolving marital conflicts and many years of experience working with different types of couples and problems.

The trouble you usually run into here is that one spouse doesn’t want to go. Usually, that partner believes the marriage has already flat-lined and any attempt to revive it is a waste of time and energy. If you’re partner feels that way, don’t give up just yet. While you want to avoid pressuring or begging, simple logic can work wonders.

Counseling can help, of course, but it’s not a cure-all. Did you know the average marriage councilors’ success rate is only around 30%? That’s hardly enough to make it worth shouting “Help me save my marriage!” at the counselor.

Self-help books!

If you’ve been looking online for tips, you’ve probably run into a few of those ebooks that provide guidance for working through a rough patch in a marriage even when one partner is ready to call it quits. They may not seem like much, but in reality, the best of these can be surprisingly effective.

Most of these plans were developed by highly experienced marriage counselors who found a “formula” for what works, so they usually have a success rate higher than that of most marriage counselors.

Whatever you do, don’t delude yourself into thinking the problems between you and your spouse will disappear of their own accord. It’s not enough to sit and wonder “Who can help me save my marriage?” You need to decide where you’re going to go for sound advice and act on that advice as soon as possible. The longer you put it off, the harder your problems will be to solve.

When people start to have relationship problems they tend to make things much more difficult than they need to be. It’s not really that hard to identify the problem and work together to fix it…as long as you are working together. This is a common problem, one partner won’t commit to make the changes needed to make the relationship better.

No matter how hard it may be to hear, if that is the case in your relationship than you have no choice but to end it…unless you are willing to stay in a bad relationship. It will take both of you working together to make things better and if one partner is unwilling to work at it, nothing will change.

If both of you are willing to try to make things better – working together – then here are three tips that may help:

1. One of the most important elements in any good relationship is the ability to communicate well. That doesn’t mean that you know how to talk, it means that you know the best way to get your point across without being mean and spiteful. It’s not just about what you say but how you say it. It’s also about how well you listen. Are you really hearing what the other person is trying to say, or are you just hearing the words without looking deeper to the true meaning?

Most of us aren’t poets, and sometimes things don’t come out the right way. Being a good listener means not jumping down your partners throat when they say something wrong, it means trying to understand their point of view and realizing that even though you may not agree with them that they have the right to feel the way they feel and they want your understanding. Don’t forget, some day the shoe will be on the other foot, and you’ll want to try to explain how you’re feeling to your partner, you’ll want them to listen to you, right?

2. Don’t hold your partner up to a higher standard than you hold yourself to. For example, if you don’t want your partner to go out clubbing with their friends, you shouldn’t either. If you want your partner to be a better housekeeper, you should pitch in and help. So many of us are great at telling our partners what they are doing wrong, but we aren’t nearly as good at honestly facing up to our own shortcomings. Maybe if you spent a little more time making sure you were being the best person you could be, you wouldn’t get so frustrated with the failings of your partner.

3. Be realistic as to whether or not you should continue the relationship. Many of us hang on way too long to a bad relationship, and we do it for all the wrong reasons such as fear of loneliness or jealousy over our ex meeting someone else. Relationships are important, and you shouldn’t just run for the door whenever there is a problem, but it’s also important to recognize that sometimes it’s just not working and it never will, and it’s time to leave.

Having a wonderful, loving relationship is one of life’s greatest pleasures, but when you start to have relationship problems it can make you feel more miserable than you ever thought possible. Use these tips to get, or keep, your relationship going strong.

Need more tips? Check out The Ex Back System.