It’s the topic of dozens if not hundreds of self-help books, yet divorce seems to be as “popular” as ever. It’s not necessarily because the advice in those books is bunk, either. Usually it’s because no matter how much good advice you get, there are some things about your approach to your marriage that need to change before you can even take advantage of those tips.

Rule out divorce

If you’ve been talking about divorce, but neither of you really want it, banish all talk of it from your conversations. It’s not an option, so why are you even mentioning it? Some people tend to use the d-word as a threat, even though they never plan to carry through. The problem with that is the more often you bring up the subject, the more likely it is to
become a reality.

Remember respect

Can you remember your first few dates, when you hardly knew each other and were nervous just to be around each other? You said “please” and “thank you” and if any disagreements came up you patiently and politely resolved them? You don’t have to fall in love all over again (at least, not right this minute), but if you want to find out how to save your marriage, at least try to get back to that level of respect with each other.

Accept that your spouse is not perfect

As newlyweds it’s easy to ignore those annoying little habits your partner might have like leaving clothes on the floor or forgetting to fill the gas tank. After a few years living together, though, the irritation builds up and you start to wish your spouse would just stop it already. The next time your spouse does something that irritates you, consider whether it’s really all that serious. If not, let it go.

Don’t criticize

Even if you’ve managed to accomplish the goal above, this one’s easier said than done. Once you’ve fallen into the habit, it takes some effort to stop, but try to avoid verbally attacking your spouse for doing something you don’t like. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t let them know when something they do bothers you, but doing so in a non-judgmental way can make life a
lot easier.

Learn about the opposite sex

Sitting in the park and watching them walk by doesn’t count. But taking an open-minded approach to understanding the way the opposite gender typically approaches intimate relationships definitely does. You may think because you’ve been around them all your life you know them. But you might be surprised how what you learn can help you discover how to save your marriage. And if do you learn something that surprises you, don’t take some book’s word for it. Ask your spouse if that’s how they feel, too, and you just may hit a major revelation.

Figuring out how to save a marriage doesn’t have to be complicated, but you can’t rely on the free information you find on the Internet. Even self-help books written by professional marriage counselors leave out some of the fundamentals, so as you try to mend your marriage, make sure you start with a good foundation.

While some might say there are as many types of love as there are couples, it’s also true that long-term romantic relationships tend to fall into certain categories.

According to Robert Sternberg, who developed the Triangular Theory of Love, there are exactly seven of those categories. Here we’ll take a love at the five types most would consider love. Any of them sound familiar?

Romantic Love

This is what Hollywood wants us to think love is. The foundation is passion—that giddy, swept-of-your-feet feeling. Along with that, there’s often a sense of emotional closeness so strong you feel one with your partner. The problem with this type of love is that there’s no commitment. Once the excitement wears off and the day-to-day routine sets in, this love can fizzle fast. There are better types of relationships out there.

Fatuous love

This is Vegas drive-through-chapel love. Love that makes you think you should spend a lifetime together after you’ve only known each other a week. As with the romantic variety, there’s plenty of passion, but there’s also a sense of commitment (hence the insta-wedding).

What’s lacking, though, is intimacy. The two people involved hardly know each other. It leads to questions like “What do you mean you ‘forgot’ to finalize your divorce?!”

Companionate love

This is the elderly couple walking hand in hand through the park. It’s also the ornery old pair who always seems to have regular spats, yet wouldn’t dream of leaving each other. Even after the passion has died down, the closeness and commitment are stronger than ever. Of course, that’s not to imply that all older couples lack passion or that this love is reserved only for the elderly.

Empty love

Of all types of relationships, this one is hardest to call “love.” It’s really more a type of respect held up by moral values. It’s the kind of thing that happens when a married couple no longer feels much of anything for each other, but stays together for the kids, for financial reasons, or just out of sheer momentum. Often both partners still feel genuine regard and respect for one another, but neither emotional intimacy nor sexual passion are anywhere to be found.

Consummate love

Here we’ve hit the mother lode. This is the love most of use dream of finding some day. It’s everything all rolled into one: deep emotional intimacy, toe-curling passion, and rock-solid commitment. People who share this type of love often consider their partner their best friend or the “one thing” they can count on. Naturally, this relationship’s bound to hit a few storms along the way, but this type of couple has everything they need to weather those storms without sustaining any serious damage.

So which one sounds like you? Are you high on romantic love, settled into a comfortable companionship or, just maybe, you’re one of the lucky couples who’ve found true consummate love. In any case, keep in mind that not every relationship is going to fit into one of these categories and most types of relationships will fall into more than one.