Respect each other

This is one piece of advice in love relationship you can live by. It sounds so simple. If you love someone, you naturally treat them with kindness and respect, right? Well, that’s usually true when you only see that person now and then, but when you live with each other, it’s easy to forget.

The remedy? Pick someone you deeply respect, whether it’s your grandma or your favorite professor, and don’t say or do anything to your partner you wouldn’t say or do to that person. If you slip up (we all do it), do the right thing and apologize. Remember, sometimes just one thoughtless statement can end a relationship.

Support each other

Have you ever been exited about some great idea you had and rushed off to share it with a close friend only to have that friend act ho-hum or worse, start tearing you down? Well, don’t do the same to your partner. When your partner shares their goals and dreams with you, try to at least say something positive even if you don’t like the idea.

After that, it’s fine to point out major flaws in a plan, but do it gently and constructively. Something like, “So you want to become a teacher, huh? I bet you’d be great at it, but teachers don’t earn much, do they?” is kind, yet brings up an important point.

Once they’ve decided to take the plunge and try for a major achievement, though, your support or lack thereof could make or break the relationship.

Ignore the insignificant stuff

When your partner does something you find irritating, think twice before you bring it to their attention. Is it something they can easily change or would it require a major personality overhaul? If in all honestly, you can’t see your partner changing without years of nagging, you have the choice to either put up or break up (or nag for years, if you’re into that kind of thing). Once you choose to overlook it, don’t bring it up even during an argument.

Remember, this kind of acceptance and tolerance is often one of the things older married couples cite as a reason for their success.

Schedule a date night

Heard this advice before, haven’t you? Sure, it’d be great to go out to a fancy restaurant once a week, but there’s a budget to keep and kids to watch. Who has the money or the time? Well, you probably do if you use a little imagination. Are you on a tight budget? Stay in and make a gourmet meal together. Can’t find a sitter? Try swapping kids with other parents—you watch theirs on Friday night and they watch yours on Saturday night.

Spice up your lovemaking

Romance in the bedroom tend to fall by the wayside when you’re trying to deal with everything else that goes on in life. If you feel the passion’s faded a little, put some real effort into reviving it. Take some time to actually talk about your turn ons and desires. Sometimes just a book on love-making ideas can be enough to get your motors running again.

Audit your behavior

It seems the more familiar we become with someone, no matter how much we love that someone, we tend to forget our manners around them. We end up criticizing, nagging, and taking them for granted. It’s not comfortable to admit, but most of us develop a few bad habits overtime. That’s why it can help to take a cold, hard look at how you treat your spouse and work on less-than-loving behavior that might be killing the romance.

Have real conversations

Finding you have nothing to say over dinner other than “How’s the roast?” or worse, can’t think of anything to say at all? If so, make talking to each other again a top priority PDQ. Romance tips that are effective don’t always rely on the roses and candlelight part. The foundation of romance is emotional intimacy and you’ll only reach through frequent, open conversations about the things that really matter.

It may mean finding time away from the kids and/or other interruptions, so do it. Your relationship is worth it.

Give more

Both common sense and sociological studies hold that the more each partner invests in the marriage, the more they generally get out of it. When one partner freely expresses their love, it sets off a cycle of giving and giving-back between you that’s hard to hold back.

The nice thing is that it only takes one partner to kick off the cycle.

If you’re starting to feel like the average potato soup has more romance in it than your marriage does right now, it’s time to do something about it. A dull spell can lead to serious marital problems all too quickly. So, if you want to keep alive your love, romance tips like the ones above are a good place to start.

Rule out divorce

If you’ve been talking about divorce, but neither of you really want it, banish all talk of it from your conversations. It’s not an option, so why are you even mentioning it? Some people tend to use the d-word as a threat, even though they never plan to carry through. The problem with that is the more often you bring up the subject, the more likely it is to
become a reality.

Remember respect

Can you remember your first few dates, when you hardly knew each other and were nervous just to be around each other? You said “please” and “thank you” and if any disagreements came up you patiently and politely resolved them? You don’t have to fall in love all over again (at least, not right this minute), but if you want to find out how to save your marriage, at least try to get back to that level of respect with each other.

Accept that your spouse is not perfect

As newlyweds it’s easy to ignore those annoying little habits your partner might have like leaving clothes on the floor or forgetting to fill the gas tank. After a few years living together, though, the irritation builds up and you start to wish your spouse would just stop it already. The next time your spouse does something that irritates you, consider whether it’s really all that serious. If not, let it go.

Don’t criticize

Even if you’ve managed to accomplish the goal above, this one’s easier said than done. Once you’ve fallen into the habit, it takes some effort to stop, but try to avoid verbally attacking your spouse for doing something you don’t like. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t let them know when something they do bothers you, but doing so in a non-judgmental way can make life a
lot easier.

Learn about the opposite sex

Sitting in the park and watching them walk by doesn’t count. But taking an open-minded approach to understanding the way the opposite gender typically approaches intimate relationships definitely does. You may think because you’ve been around them all your life you know them. But you might be surprised how what you learn can help you discover how to save your marriage. And if do you learn something that surprises you, don’t take some book’s word for it. Ask your spouse if that’s how they feel, too, and you just may hit a major revelation.

Figuring out how to save a marriage doesn’t have to be complicated, but you can’t rely on the free information you find on the Internet. Even self-help books written by professional marriage counselors leave out some of the fundamentals, so as you try to mend your marriage, make sure you start with a good foundation.

According to Robert Sternberg, who developed the Triangular Theory of Love, there are exactly seven of those categories. Here we’ll take a love at the five types most would consider love. Any of them sound familiar?

Romantic Love

This is what Hollywood wants us to think love is. The foundation is passion—that giddy, swept-of-your-feet feeling. Along with that, there’s often a sense of emotional closeness so strong you feel one with your partner. The problem with this type of love is that there’s no commitment. Once the excitement wears off and the day-to-day routine sets in, this love can fizzle fast. There are better types of relationships out there.

Fatuous love

This is Vegas drive-through-chapel love. Love that makes you think you should spend a lifetime together after you’ve only known each other a week. As with the romantic variety, there’s plenty of passion, but there’s also a sense of commitment (hence the insta-wedding).

What’s lacking, though, is intimacy. The two people involved hardly know each other. It leads to questions like “What do you mean you ‘forgot’ to finalize your divorce?!”

Companionate love

This is the elderly couple walking hand in hand through the park. It’s also the ornery old pair who always seems to have regular spats, yet wouldn’t dream of leaving each other. Even after the passion has died down, the closeness and commitment are stronger than ever. Of course, that’s not to imply that all older couples lack passion or that this love is reserved only for the elderly.

Empty love

Of all types of relationships, this one is hardest to call “love.” It’s really more a type of respect held up by moral values. It’s the kind of thing that happens when a married couple no longer feels much of anything for each other, but stays together for the kids, for financial reasons, or just out of sheer momentum. Often both partners still feel genuine regard and respect for one another, but neither emotional intimacy nor sexual passion are anywhere to be found.

Consummate love

Here we’ve hit the mother lode. This is the love most of use dream of finding some day. It’s everything all rolled into one: deep emotional intimacy, toe-curling passion, and rock-solid commitment. People who share this type of love often consider their partner their best friend or the “one thing” they can count on. Naturally, this relationship’s bound to hit a few storms along the way, but this type of couple has everything they need to weather those storms without sustaining any serious damage.

So which one sounds like you? Are you high on romantic love, settled into a comfortable companionship or, just maybe, you’re one of the lucky couples who’ve found true consummate love. In any case, keep in mind that not every relationship is going to fit into one of these categories and most types of relationships will fall into more than one.

Assess why he left

When you first met, you were both on your best behavior and a lot more tolerant of each other’s quirks. But be honest, after you got more comfortable with each other you weren’t so perfect all the time, were you? Maybe you started to take him for granted or you got a little pushy now and then. Before you can get your ex boyfriend back for good, you need to know what made him leave in the first place.

Fix problems on your end

Once you know what went wrong, you need to find a way to make sure it doesn’t happen again. It’s easy to blame his annoying habits or lack of communication skills for any tensions between you two, but ultimately you are responsible for your reactions to whatever he does. You’ll either have to find a better way to deal with whatever he did that irritated you or decide maybe he wasn’t the right guy for you after all.

Plan your first contact

So, hopefully you haven’t already called him a dozen times and sent six emails titled “Please reply, I can’t live without you.” If you have, the rest of this article may not help you. If not, though, you still have the option of carefully planning how you’re going to get to see him again. Stay away from pathetic excuses and go for something fun and casual like inviting him out with him out with some of your friends to do something the two of you used to enjoy doing together.

Be open and flexible

Once you do get to talk to him, let him do the complaining and you do the listening. That doesn’t mean you should give in to all his demands, but at least hear him out before you jump in with your own opinions.

Remember, even if they weren’t obvious to you, he had good reasons to leave. If you’re going to be a couple again, you’ll need to do some compromising. One good tactic to get him to open up is to ask if he’d be willing to tell you what he felt went wrong in the relationship so you can learn from your mistakes.

You can probably get your ex boyfriend back a lot sooner than you think, but you need to have a proven plan to follow. Some of the free tips online may just backfire on you and make the split permanent. When you choose a proven plan designed by an experienced relationship counselor, though, you can not only get your ex boyfriend back, you can do it without any stress and drama.

Express your love

I know what you’re thinking: “But I do show my love! I bought her a…” Stop right there. Unfortunately, material gifts and even the amount of time and energy you spend helping go right over some women’s heads. Many women don’t truly feel loved unless they hear the “I love you” fairly frequently.

No, your girlfriend hasn’t forgotten all the nice things you’ve done; she just thinks maybe your feelings have changed since then. Yeah, that’s right: since yesterday. See, the thing is women continually re-assess their relationships. Men tend to get comfortable and assume if there are no fights, then everything’s dandy. That’s exactly how so many guys get blindsided by break ups introduced with “Honey, we need to talk.”

So go ahead and tell her in so many words that you love her. If you have a hard time saying it, write a little note and slip it in her wallet or stick it on the bathroom mirror. If that’s still a little to awkward for you, make a point of thanking her for something routine like making dinner or acknowledging something she’s done well.

Listen

Imagine starting an important conversation with your girlfriend or wife only to notice her staring into space as you talk. Wouldn’t you feel a little rejected? This is the same situation a lot of women face with their boyfriends or husbands, who often don’t even notice they’re spacing out. When you’re girlfriend talks, try to put aside what your doing and really listen.

That doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to have some quiet time to yourself, though. Whether you’re trying to finish a report for work the next day or just want to watch the game, if you gently explain that you’d rather have the chat at a later time, a real lady will give you your space.

Use honesty wisely

As much as we may want to believe honesty is the best policy, anyone with a little life experience will tell you it isn’t always. While outright lies are a no-no, a little tact and diplomacy can go a long way towards keeping peace in the house.

What that means is the correct answer to “Do I look fat in this?” is not “No, you look 10 pounds lighter,” but something like “Can’t say. You look good to me no matter what you wear.” Sound corny? Try it sometime and I bet you’ll like the result.

Being tactful doesn’t mean you should keep quite about things that really bother you, though. It’s better to bring problems to light in than let your resentment simmer and risk blowing up at her one day.

When both partners are willing have a little patience and keep an open mind, love relationships don’t have to been filled with frustration and drama. Get some good relationship advice for men, from the right source and your relationships should be smooth sailing from here on out.

Build trust

A lot of love relationship advice focuses on trust because it truly is the foundation of a loving relationship. While trust sometimes develops on its own, putting a little work into building it never hurts. How can you do that?

First of all, be reliable. Call when you say you’ll call, and show up at the time you promise. Also try not to make promises you have no intention of keeping, like “Yeah, I’ll help you clean the kitchen later.”

When you have a disagreement, be fair and don’t take jabs at your partner’s weak spots. Respect your partner’s feelings and avoid telling them they “shouldn’t” feel a certain way just because that’s not how you’d feel in the same situation.

Don’t ignore money matters

This may not be very common love relationship advice, but it is important. If you share any financial responsibilities, you owe it to each other to communicate on this issue. Sure, it’s not much fun to talk about money, but it’s even less fun when you’re in serious trouble due to poor planning. Don’t let it get that far.

Even in a marriage with only one bread winner, both of you should be involved in financial planning. To keep problems at bay, put aside time once a month (while you’re doing the bills is a good time) to discuss your financial situation. Once you get used to it, it’ll become a lot less stressful.

Learn to end arguments

It’s bound to happen: your partner does that really annoying thing yet again and suddenly you’re yelling at each other. The important thing isn’t so much stopping it from happening as knowing how to stop it when it does happen. In fact, the ability to diffuse post-argument tension can make or break a relationship. How’s that for valuable love relationship advice?

So, when you realize your gripe session is getting out of hand, try a little gentle humor, say something kind to your partner, or acknowledge that the two of you ultimately share the same goals. If you’re still feeling snarky, take a break to clear your head.

Talk about what matters

Ever hear people say they and their spouse lead separate lives and wonder how a marriage ends up that way? Most often is starts with a lack of deep communication. Real relationship-sustaining communication does not mean talking about when the dog’s due for his shots or when you’re going to get that leak fixed. It means talking about your feelings from day to day, your hopes for the future, and even your fears.

Keeping a relationship going strong takes trust, good communication, and attention to the things that really matter. Don’t get sidetrack by the magazine headlines because the best love relationship advice isn’t all about when to send roses or what to do in bed.

What the Quiz Can Tell You

Most of the time, it’s hard to go wrong with trusting your “gut instincts.” For instance, if you feel like you’re in danger, it’s nearly always a good idea to get out of the situation even if there’s no obvious sign of danger.

Well, the problem with here is that both love and infatuation are such powerful emotions they cloud your ability to tell which is which (Yeah, like you really need me to tell you that). Sometimes, you just can’t trust your instincts to lead you to a good relationship.

By asking questions that help separate feelings that could lead to deep, long-lasting love from those that will disappear, “are you really in love” quizzes keep you from wasting energy on mere infatuation or lust. Even more importantly, they then help you from getting sucked into what could be a very unpleasant, messy romantic entanglement.

What the Quiz Should Ask You

If you actually want to get some real benefits from taking one of the “are you really in love” quizzes available, you need to know how to sort the accurate ones from the useless ones. Usually, just glancing through the questions will give you a good idea of how accurate the quiz will be. This is usually easy enough to tell by glancing at the questions. The quiz should be asking such things as whether you are willing to share your deepest secrets with this person or is he/she in the top 5 of the people you respect above all others.

It should also include questions that help you separate initial infatuation that could bloom into a deeper, true love from feelings that aren’t likely to lead to anything serious. The test should ask how your love makes you feel about yourself, what emotions characterize your relationship, and how much you sacrifice for your partner. Questions like these zero in on common differences between love, infatuation, and lust.

Where to Find Quality Quizzes

As I mentioned above, popular magazines really aren’t the best places to find quizzes. The problem is, unless the writer’s bio is included, you can’t be sure the person who created the quiz is a true expert on relationships or not. That’s why it’s better to look for quizzes in books and Web sites written by credible relationship experts.

Taking a few well designed quizzes can give you a lot of insight into whether or not your relationship has any real future. Finding out early on if your relationship is on the wrong track can save you a lot of stress and heartache in the long run. Just make sure you get your quiz from a credible source, be completely honest in your answers, and read the results of “are you really in love” quizzes with an open mind.

Friends!

If you have any friends who’ve managed to dodge an impending divorce, ask them how they did it. Don’t just think about friends your age, either. Older couples can be a goldmine of advice on working through marriage troubles.

Even if they seem to have a perfect relationship now, you might be surprised to hear what they’ve gone through. Of course, the problem with asking friends for advice is their experience is limited to what worked for them. What worked for them won’t necessarily work for you, though.

Online forums!

The Internet is great place to find information on just about everything and marriage is no exception. The advantage of getting advice from forums is that you can ask questions anonymously and get opinions from a variety of people who’ll most likely have very different view points from you. The drawback is that you won’t get a truly useful response from one “help me save my marriage” post. The lack of real-time interaction means you don’t get the back-and-forth dialogue you’d need to really get to the root of your problems and find a workable solution.

Marriage counseling!

It’s one of the first thing well meaning friends ask when you admit your marriage is on the rocks: “Have you thought of counseling?” There’s good reason for that. A professional marriage counselor has training in resolving marital conflicts and many years of experience working with different types of couples and problems.

The trouble you usually run into here is that one spouse doesn’t want to go. Usually, that partner believes the marriage has already flat-lined and any attempt to revive it is a waste of time and energy. If you’re partner feels that way, don’t give up just yet. While you want to avoid pressuring or begging, simple logic can work wonders.

Counseling can help, of course, but it’s not a cure-all. Did you know the average marriage councilors’ success rate is only around 30%? That’s hardly enough to make it worth shouting “Help me save my marriage!” at the counselor.

Self-help books!

If you’ve been looking online for tips, you’ve probably run into a few of those ebooks that provide guidance for working through a rough patch in a marriage even when one partner is ready to call it quits. They may not seem like much, but in reality, the best of these can be surprisingly effective.

Most of these plans were developed by highly experienced marriage counselors who found a “formula” for what works, so they usually have a success rate higher than that of most marriage counselors.

Whatever you do, don’t delude yourself into thinking the problems between you and your spouse will disappear of their own accord. It’s not enough to sit and wonder “Who can help me save my marriage?” You need to decide where you’re going to go for sound advice and act on that advice as soon as possible. The longer you put it off, the harder your problems will be to solve.

No matter how hard it may be to hear, if that is the case in your relationship than you have no choice but to end it…unless you are willing to stay in a bad relationship. It will take both of you working together to make things better and if one partner is unwilling to work at it, nothing will change.

If both of you are willing to try to make things better – working together – then here are three tips that may help:

1. One of the most important elements in any good relationship is the ability to communicate well. That doesn’t mean that you know how to talk, it means that you know the best way to get your point across without being mean and spiteful. It’s not just about what you say but how you say it. It’s also about how well you listen. Are you really hearing what the other person is trying to say, or are you just hearing the words without looking deeper to the true meaning?

Most of us aren’t poets, and sometimes things don’t come out the right way. Being a good listener means not jumping down your partners throat when they say something wrong, it means trying to understand their point of view and realizing that even though you may not agree with them that they have the right to feel the way they feel and they want your understanding. Don’t forget, some day the shoe will be on the other foot, and you’ll want to try to explain how you’re feeling to your partner, you’ll want them to listen to you, right?

2. Don’t hold your partner up to a higher standard than you hold yourself to. For example, if you don’t want your partner to go out clubbing with their friends, you shouldn’t either. If you want your partner to be a better housekeeper, you should pitch in and help. So many of us are great at telling our partners what they are doing wrong, but we aren’t nearly as good at honestly facing up to our own shortcomings. Maybe if you spent a little more time making sure you were being the best person you could be, you wouldn’t get so frustrated with the failings of your partner.

3. Be realistic as to whether or not you should continue the relationship. Many of us hang on way too long to a bad relationship, and we do it for all the wrong reasons such as fear of loneliness or jealousy over our ex meeting someone else. Relationships are important, and you shouldn’t just run for the door whenever there is a problem, but it’s also important to recognize that sometimes it’s just not working and it never will, and it’s time to leave.

Having a wonderful, loving relationship is one of life’s greatest pleasures, but when you start to have relationship problems it can make you feel more miserable than you ever thought possible. Use these tips to get, or keep, your relationship going strong.

Need more tips? Check out The Ex Back System.