Archive for August, 2009

When you are having trouble dealing with break up it is only natural. There is nothing to be ashamed of because everyone does. The important thing to do is to decide how you are going to dealing with break up.

You have two ways that you can go about dealing with break up. The first is to let it tear you apart. The second is to overcome it and become stronger because of it. There is a saying that that whatever doesn?t kill you only makes you stronger but that all depends on your attitude and how you decide you will be dealing with break up.

This break up may have been the most devastating thing you have gone through but you don?t have to let it destroy you. What makes you a survivor is you deciding that this moment will not define you. A marriage ending in divorce or any type of relationship ending is difficult. If it was due to someone?s infidelity or an affair then you may have self-esteem issues that you need to get some counseling to help you through it. The same is especially true if there was abuse of any kind involved. If you were on either side of those issues, seek some help. Dealing with break up for any reason can cause some long-term problems if they aren?t dealt with soon.

When you are dealing with break up you want to be strong after you have gone through all of it. By deciding that you are going to come out a winner and stronger you are going to be helping yourself by giving yourself some positive focus and good goals to achieve. Don?t let this consume you. You have to be able to move on. Winning this is learning that there is life after this relationship and finding that life.

Also, don?t decide that you just want to survive, decide that you are going to THRIVE! Realize that your best days are ahead of you. Wake up each morning trying to focus on what good things can come on this day and try to be excited about what tomorrow holds. Focus on the good things that life has to offer. Life is over just because that relationship ended. You don?t have to lie to yourself and others. Believe that today is a gift and that you are fortunate because you have an unopened gift waiting for you just around the corner. Once you start believing that, you won?t have any more problems dealing with the breakup.

Breaking up is hard to do but it is only as devastating as you let it be. A nasty breakup doesn?t have to be the end of you. It can and will be a new beginning. The breakup of a relationship doesn’t have to bring the breaking up of your life. If you build a new foundation from the ruins of this tough breakup, chances are that you will have no problem dealing with break up in the future.

How can you tell if you are in a toxic relationship? Here are some clues:

? Your partner puts you down (verbally) in front of others
? While your partner says they love you, their actions don?t back it up.
? Your partner is controlling ? reading your mail or ?showing up? at places you are just to ?check up? on you.
? Your partner tries to make you dependent on them.
? You have changed things about yourself to please them.

Toxic people make you feel ill just being around them. So, why would anyone end up in a toxic relationship? Why would anyone want to be with someone who makes them feel emotionally or physically harmed?

A toxic relationship has a cycle. There?s a honeymoon period, followed by a blow up, followed by a reconciliation ? at which point the cycle begins anew.

When you first meet a new partner, you are obviously in the honeymoon stage. It is not until they?ve sucked you in further that you realize that you are in a toxic relationship. At that point, it is difficult to get out.

One reason is that many people in toxic relationships grow up in toxic homes. As a result, they replicate the patterns of their childhood without even knowing they?re doing it. And, they may not know any better. Others believe they do not deserve happiness. Still others find that they enjoy taking care of people.

But the first step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you do have choices. Often people who stay in these couples have low self esteem or suffer from depression.

Once you realize that you have choices, the next step is to start standing up for yourself. In most toxic relationships, the toxic partner has taught you that it is all your fault. Once you buy into this, it can be very difficult to either walk away from the relationship or set new limits that can heal the relationship.

For some people, working in therapy groups can help them either get out of or redefine these horrible relationships.

The good news is that some people are able to break the cycles of toxic relationships. Some of them leave the relationship and form new, healthier bonds.

But others are actually able to repair their relationship and stay in it.

The truth is that most relationships are able to be salvaged. Sometimes it takes a little space. Other times, it takes counseling. But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way.

The first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or you?re willing to walk away. If you aren?t willing to walk away, you?ll never be able to heal that which divides you.

Once you have liberated yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to assert what you need from the connection. Don?t nag the other person. Simply say ?I need your support,? ?I need your love,? or ?I need your truthful opinion.?

If you don?t get what you need, the other person should know that you?re prepared to walk.

A healthy relationship is a two way street. In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way. You have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands.